Anyway

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.

Build anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.

Be honest and frank anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.

Do good anyway.

People are unreasonable, illogical and self centered.

Love them anyway.

The biggest people with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest people with the smallest people with the smallest minds.

Think big anyway.

What’snew may be so or may be old ideas in new forms.

Try the new anyway

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.

Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you will get kicked in the teeth.

Give the world the best you have anyway.

Chinnamma did it anyway! She brought hope and power to the harijans. The case is in her own words. Chinnamma is a Medical Mission Sister presently working with CHAI, Community Health Training Team.

--Editor

MY EXPERIENCES IN BRINGING CHANGE

INTRODUCTION
Basically human beings have the power within themselves to tranform their own lives as well as that of society. As a reflection of my search, I would like to share of my thoughts, experience, successes and failures which I have faced and cherished in mylife.

PHASE ONE
The poverty and misery of the poor people touched me and changed my attitudes and motives. It urged me to be with them and search life together. Therefore I took the first step towards this movement, being with women and children who are the victims of all social evils. I felt the need though, for some skills which would equip me for my work. So I went to Ambilikkai in Tamil Nadu for a two-year course ‘Community Health Guide’. The topics I covered during this time were Basic Nursing and Midwifery, and Community Organisation and Development.
One of the requirements for the completion of the course, was six month’s case study in a sponsored village. So I went to Maner, near Patna, Bihar, about 30 km from the capital. I had chosen two villages,
Sahalicheele and Mahinawa, around Maner. I visited them repeatedly, met the formal and informal leaders of the villages, and discussed with them my intention and plan of coming to their villages. They gave me permision to do the socio-health survey. It took four months to complete the survey, and collect all the information from the people. After analysing the data, the informaion was given to the people in a public meeting. Together we drew some action plans. We started preventive and promotive health care in these two villages, such as health education, immunization, nutrition, enviormental sanitation, and MCH programmes. We got in touch with the Local Primary Health Centre to carry out the immunization programme. My professor came for field supervision and my papers were ready for approval. I completed my six month field experience as part of my studiesin 1981. This period was purely accomplishing my need to complete my studies, not the felt need of the people. I consider this as the first phase of my experience in the village.

PHASE TWO

Training Health Workers
I joined a team of three staff in Maner who were involved in village work. We extended our service to a few more villages where Harijans are a majority. At that time the definition of health by WHO influenced us. Health is the physical, mental and spiritual wellbeing, not the absence of disease or infirmity. Much attention was given to preventive and promotive health care. So we needed the help of the people in the villages. Women health workers were trained with some skills to take care of the basic health needs of the people.
There was some improvement in the health conditions of the people, but they did not appreciate it. Eleven children died in one village of about 100 families within two months. These tragic deaths opened my eyes. I saw I must do something to improve the situation. It disturbed me very much. It was in 1982 that my enthusiasm and great desire to save people and the situation was knocked down by the realisation that the situation is deep and complex.
Our health workers were low caste Harijan woman who were not accepted by the higher caste group. They did not show much interest in doing the work because it was voluntary--they wanted a salary. Above all, being women, they could not influence many in a male-dominated society. It forced us to evaluate our health care programme on the basis of our experience and make possible changes.

Achievement Motivation
People were not aware of their unhealthy condition nor of the social pressures which theysuffered. They did not have any motivaion to change their inhuman living conditions. They believed tha it is their fate that they are born poor, and accepted it without any question. We also went and imposed our needs on them which made them more depressed. They had traditional healers and the barber as surgeon, which we did not appreicate. We realized the great need for raising their awareness of their living condiions. We used Achievement Motivation Programmes to bring out the informal talensts of the group. The young people were very much interested. We had 15 days of continuous meetings, games and reflections-at the end of which they were very thrilled. We used the book Trace 1 for the gains. At the end of 15 days, people people were able to see themselves and promised to improve their condition.

Dairy Cooperative Formed
Meanwhile Government started IRDP (Integrated Rural Development Programme) to improve the economic condition of the people. One of the villages decided to form a co-operative society under IRDP.
It took five months to process the papers through the government offices. The enthusiasm and effort of the people was kept up by giving all possible information, discussing, encouraging, also being with them.
Together with the people, we found out ways and means to solve the problems. We, as social workers, had a great role to play to bring hope into hopeless situations.
Under the scheme of IRDP. Rs.5000 was allotted to each family to purchase two animals. Out of this, Rs.500 was given to bank officials, government officials like the BDO (Block Development Officer), C.O.(Circle Officer, Panchayat President (Mukhya) of the place. In addition to that, when they went to the mela to buy the animals, they had to pay the middlemen, market owner, insurance company, etc. In themarket, they were cheated by being sold old or sick animals. They had to pay back half the money with interest to the bank at the end of the year. After two years, the interest is more than the borrowed amount. The poor are indebted to the government for ever. Through constant action/reflection with the people, they could resist some of the evils which came their way during this process.
There were certain improvements in the village. People formed their own Society, registered it. They elected members from their own people as Managing Committee. They could take certain decisions. Harijans and high caste people sat on a common platform and discussed issues and took decisions. About a year later they were happy withtheir achievement and celebrated the anniversary of the Society. Bonuses were distributed. They had a lumpsum amount of money as profit. Textbooks and copybooks were given to the children.
Slowly the price of the milk had gone down in the market. The famous ‘Operation Food’ affected the people in the village. The got Rs.2.50 per kg. milk according to the fat content. They did not have any land also could not buy cattle fodder. People who did not have anything to substitute their income began to starve.
Though there was an attempt to resist bribery and red tapism at different levels in the society, some of the social pressures prevented the poor from coming up in life. Slowly a division started among the different groups for profit. The traditinal milkmen also opposed the new movement. Gradually the Harijans were pushed out of the Society which was primarily taken over by the Yadavs.
The idea of a dairy co-operative society was picked up by many villages in Maner Block. There are more than 30 cooperatives at present, but they are run by Yadavs who have land and other means of life. It is not the answer for the poor because they are again marginalised to a great extent which has made them completely despairing and dehumanized.

PHASE THREE

People Oriented Strategy (three years)
Organization Development Seminar and New Plans
In 1983, I attended OD (Otganic Development) Seminar in Pune conducted by Sr.Carol Huss and team. Partisans had come from all over India. They were involved with people in different degrees as social activists. It was an enriching experience for me, also a turning point in my life and mission in Maner. It was an encouragement as well as a challenge for which I was not prepared. After the seminar we made alternative plans for our area. The plan was: to make the activities people-oriented rather han health centre oriented; study and analyze the socioeconomic and political situation of the area; find out the felt needs of the people, find out like minded groups in the area who are working for the people; and make a goal and vision which would include a wider area at least at a district level. As soon as we went back we looked for groups who were involved in social work. To my surprise, there were eleven groups in Patna who were involved with people.
A few young men were trained from our area to conduct a seminar on sicioeconomic awareness. With their help we started conducting meetings in the villages. The whole atmosphere of the meetingwas different. Their living condition was brought out through awareness songs, dramas and dance. Most of the participantswere women from six villages. We had four days’ meeting with them which led them to reflect on their living situation, the exploitation around, after which they verbalised it very clearly. The group sharing and oneness gave them a lot of insight and courage. They could express their problems very weel, their difficulties and also abilitiesand talents. They became alive in the group. At the end of the seminar a few issues came up on which they were prepared to act. The issues were Bonded Labour, Giar Mujarwa Jamin 1(land which does not have any private ownership--comes under government), women and dowry issues, scholarship for children,etc. Through this process we experienced integration of culture and language.

Issues We Took Up
Bonded Labourers
In Gyaspur village about fifty families (Harijans) had borrowed small amounts --about Rs.100 from landlords a few years ago. There were other cases whereby their grandfathers borrowed some money from the landlord two generations back. These poor people promised that they and their family would work for the landlord until thye paid back the amount with interest. Parents work in the field and household, their small children are sent to take are sent to take care of the landlord’s animals. So the children will never get a chance to go to school. Even if they did go to school, they would be prevented by the landlord. He would not want these poor people to become literate and revolt against the unjust system. As years pass by, their debt increases. A few years later they are unable to repay the debt. There are certain families where even the third generation is indebted to the landlord.
The relationship between the landlord and the bonded labourer-worker’s life is reduced greatly--to where the labourer knows only his master, and he has virtually no contact with the rest of the world.
If he is sick or tired the landlord comes and beats him and forcefully makes him work. So they are frightened of him, and are dependent on him for their survival. The worker gets 1 seer (less than a kilo) wheat or kesari dal as wages. Every evening he comes home with what he got, and by the time the food is prepared, the children have gone to sleep hungry. Any child who gets sick is left to the mercy of fate.
After the seminar, the people formed a committee of eight members and planned out a strategy. First of all they were eager to know about bonded labour--What is Bonded Labour Abolition Act, how to identify a bonded labourer under that act, who all are eligible for it? Do they have any record about it? How to collect bio-data, application forms, etc. We spent about one month preparing the people and giving them correct information. We consulted lawyers and some knowledgeable people for this particular issue. We went to the village at night, about 3 km. away, sat with them in the open field, by lantern night, we had long discussions. We could see the fear and the agony of people to fight against this exploitation. In the process of educating the peoplethe group was divided into into two--one group for it, and the other against. The landlords came to know our work, and soon we became a target group. We were accused of causing the division in the village, also disturbing the peace of the people. We were warned not to come to the village anymore.
Even though there was tension, people went ahead in preparing their application forms to submit to the District Magistrate. On August 12, 1983, we invited the Subdivisional Officer (SDO), Assistant Superintendent of Polic (ASP) from the subdivisional level and Circle Officer (CO) and the Block Development Officer (BDO) from the block level to present our grievances and request them to recommend our application. Sixty people had gathered to meet them. They arrived in the afternoon and all the people were courageous to plead for their cause. The SDO ruthlessly scolded them. He called them lazy, unhappy thieves who do not do anywork, who now were demanding more money. He told them: you do not deserve anything more. He added that it is the instigation of the Christain Missioneries. As reaction to this, one of the boys from the group stood up and told the SDO that the Panchayat President forced them to work for the National Food for Work Programmes, and did not pay them, besides he has bought land with that money. Some people complained to the Mukhia who is the Panchayat President. He was furious and decided to take revenge on the poor by the help of the landlords. They decided to attack the villagers and burn their houses. They wanted to kill the active youths from that village. People informed us about the situation in the village. We immediately went with them. A few drunken goondas arrived. All could experience the helplessness of the people. The goondas insulted us and chased us away from the village. We experienced the agony the people go through everyday of their lives. Our worry and concerns were about what would happen to the people. We filed an FIR at the local police station concerning this incident of the Gyaspur village.
The same evening, Sant, one of the active youths in the village, was coming home after his work. He understood that something strange had happened. Somebody called out to him, but he ran away. When he finally reached home, he undestood that enemies had surrounded the village. He had a mud house which had no door to protect them. All the men in the village had run away by that ime. Only women and children were there. The women took courage and decided to face the situation. A woman, Jaypatho Devi, took the lead in this critical moment. She called all the women in the village and told them to bring lathis and sickles. The goondas realized that there will be resistance from the women, so they withdrew from their evil designs. Theycontinued making secret plans against a few activists.
We were very upset and did’t know how to handle the matter. The tension was mounting in the village day by day. Some of the villagers suggested that we should meet the Panchayat President and discuss the matter. There was much uncertainty on our part. Finally we went to him and he promised that he would protect the people if we withdrew the FIR against him. At this time we
experienced the support of all likeminded groups, especially Philip Manthra, who was the integrating force for all these groups by meetings, reflection, and educational inputs.
We visited the District Magistrate and explained the matter to him. We told him very plainly that we do not want any atrocities happening to the people. He promised that he would visit the village. In the meanwhile, the Panchayat President and the local government officials trained the people to answer the D. M. during his visit in the village. However, the D. M.,being cautious and fully aware of all that was going on, instructed all the officials to listen but not to speak or interfere, in fact, he asked them to leave the place. The D. M. heard the people- this was the first time in their lives that the people felt a government official heard them, and to their great surprise, he releasedthe bonded labourers, and instructed them not to payback the money to the landlords. He ordered the BDO to certrify that they are freed from their debts. But the people suffered a lot because nobody gave them any work.
Some of the workers began to feel guilty because of their action against the landlords. A few were really courageous. They looked for alternatives for a livelyhood. They managed to start a Dairy Cooperative Society under IRDP which gave them an immediate relief. Later the landlords understood that they could not manage without the workers, so they reconcilied with them and so the poor people could bargain their wages.
In this new struggle for feedom, Dukhu was a remarkable person who gave his life for the cause. Dukhu was a 26 year old man who was sold to the landlords by his mother when he was 4 years old. His father died when he was very small. His mother could not take care of two children. By the age of 26, he was resold to four other landlords. His life was miserable. He was ordered not to talk anyone. He had to take care of all household work, plough the field, take care of the animals and guard the borewell at night. And then he got sick, the landlords would not take care of him. Instead, they would sell him to another landlord for a higher price. In the end, his debt was Rs.2,500 which he could never pay back in his life. All th workers were feeling sorry for him, and wanted him tobe out of his painful life. He told us a few times that the landlord was looking for an opportunity to kill him. They even gave him electric shocks at the borewell. His determination to be a free man give him a lot of hope. He was present when the D.M. announced their freedom from the landlords. He went to his Malik and told him that the D.M. had released them all from bondedness, so he would not pay back any money. The landlord was furious because he was bought from another landlord. Dukhu was kept under strict control and they guarded him. Dukhu revolted, as a result he was killed. They threw him in the Ganges without informing his family. They propagated the lie that Dukhu died of epilepsy.
The local People’s Union For Civil Liberty (PUCL), and other and other action groups had taken steps to file a case. Dukhuhimself had shared his problem with the ASP in the meeting. So she took a personal interest in raiding the village and she wanted to arrest the culprits but they absconded. There was a lot of publicity about Dukhu’s death. He inspired all of us and gave courage to those who were bonded. He was a man who lived in slavery but died in freedom. We prepared a drama of his life and death and played it in many villages and institutions. Dukhu’s death touched the people of gyaspur. It helped them to forget their division and to come together as a group.

Land Ownership
There was government land nearby Gyaspur, but only rich people were cultivating it. They knew it did not belong to the rich. The group got together and planned for collecitve ownership of that land. The collected money for any officical expenditures. They made their own huts on it, and captured the land. An exmilitary officer filed a case saying that the government had given him the land as a gift after his service. So people asked the Panchayat President’s support in this issue. They also filed a case in Harijan Court. They went to D. M. often and pleaded their case. Women were leading the whole programme. After four years, people won the case. They spent thousands of rupees for this cause. They were united in this process. So govenment built them 40 houses under Indira Niwas housing programme, and a primary school.
After the 1983 struggle we did not take an active part in the work because the people were capable of going ahead with encouragement and right knowledge. There were eight women leaders in the village who could conduct meetings, keep the group going in the right direction--I am pround of them. I felt these are the people who make history and transform society for a better life.

Women, Dowry Deaths
The social evils women go through in life are: women are considered a burden in the family, they are not encouraged to study, they are taught to take care of the household work, younger children, animals, etc. And when they are twelve or thirteen years old, they are married. Once they are married, the husband, and his family have all the rights over her.
Often this is the condition of illiterate village women, but it can even extend to a college lecturer or a businessman’s wife. After the involvement with bonded labourers, my whole concentration was directed towards the women’s issue. We had local meetings and seminars, gathering in six or seven villages having cultural programmes for social awareness. We used many charts and awareness songs about the evils in society against women, and atrocities against them at home and outside. The women gathered together and shared their problems, the reasons for it, what solution can be. It is a thinking process with which they were not familiar. Gradually they were capable of doing it themselves in their own language with songs and dramas. Some of them were trained to conduct meetings. Later some meetings at the subdivisional level--nearly nine hundred women would gather together for three days. During this seminar, sociopolitical-economic, educational, religious aspects of life were analyzed as they understood it. Then they would express it in an intense way in drama from. Some of them had gone for interstate meetings in Calcutta and Varanasi, etc. In this process they got lot of criticism from some (landlords etc.) and also acceptance from their own people.
Last year there were three dowry deaths in our locality within two months. One was a village woman--the others were a businessman’s wife, 18 years old, and a college lecturer. We had a dharna with other women’s organizations in front of the SP’s office. Our purpose was to make this message known to the public.
We were a group consisting of members belonging to voluntary organizations, political parties, student’s organizations, Independent Parties, Leftist groups, etc. We were representing more than 10 organizations. Even the police were feeling helpless about this whole issue. Since the SP did not respond to our memorandum, the next strategy was to stimulate the students from Women’s College--that was a remarkable day in the history of women in Patna. We held a public rally where thousands of women, housewives and students unanimously voiced their protest against these incidents.
Women are agents of change. For years I have seen many women suffer and give their lives in this process. So gradually there is a consciousness that is emerging which is leading them to this new freedom. One such event which has led women from all over the country to come together in search of that freedom, has been the event that place in Patna in February, 1988 under the banner of Nari Mukti Sangharsh Sammelan, This linked them more firmly to the National Women’s Rights Movement.

Scholarships for Children
This was an issue picked up at the subdivisional level. All scheduled caste children are entitled to get a scholarship, but they were deprived of it, so they did not go to scholarship, but they were deprived of it, so they did not go to school. They money is taken by some agents and teachers. So a few meetings were held to explain to the children about scholarships, their right to get a scholarship and study for a better future. The children from 4th to 10th standard attended the meeting. They understood the importance of education and fought for their scholarship. We helped them and encouraged them to go ahead. We were staying in the village, so we could keep a close contact with the children. This year the children received their scholarship in spite of all obstacles.

PHASE FOUR

Immersion in the Village (1-1/2 years)
Learning from the people, Children as Agents of Change
When we went to the village, the children were treated worse than animals. Parents expressed all their frustrations on the children. For any little mistakes, children were beaten up with rods, iron spoons, or big ropes. As soon as the children cried. we would run to rescue them. Sometimes it became a fight. The mothers were surprised at our interceding for the children, they wondered why we did it. Above all, they would always remind the children that their birth is bad luck, "I wish you were not born on this earth, you are only an expense, for us. It is better that you go away from here." It was frustrating for us to experience the condition of the children, Children would go to the neighbours and steal little things and get a scolding from them. They would wander the whole day in the sun in the fields, aimlessly. As they were very tough and rough, it was difficult for us to deal with them.
In the village Mahinawa, about 100 poor children between 4-10 years of age, were not going to school. We asked the parents why they are not sending them to school. People told us that they are born Dusad (Harijan) and they should die as Dusad. They believe God has created them poor, landless, denied all their basic tights to live as a human being. If they change God’s plan, they will be punished in the next birth. So they are born to serve the high class and in it find their salvation. We decided to take up this issue.
During a village meeting we explained the purpose of our coming and staying with them. Even though we had a close contact with the people, we could not grasp the day to day struggle of the people. A village is very active in the evening and night. During the day they all go for some work outside. We wanted to share their life--very especially their celebrations and feasts. We were curious to know how these poor people find meaning in life. Also we were keenly interested in the children. The parents gave us permission to teach their children. The community gave us a small open veranda of a house. They assured their support whenever we needed it. Children are not used to sitting and studying, so we had to use so many creative ways to attract them. Every morning we would go to the field and collect the children, at least two hours we spent gathering them. It went on for about six months. Once we started our class, one person had to guard them, the other will teach the children, because they will run away. It was a great was my companion for this adventure. She loved children and was willing to bear with them any difficulties. Sometimes we did not know what to do--we would six with them simply exhausted. But the children were very sensitive, they would ask what was bothering us--and we would tell them our feeling of helplessness. Some children would volunteer to help us and promise that they will not trouble us.
The children coming from different caste groups did not mix with the others. When we enquired, they told
us that their parents told them not to mix with others. We used to formulate action songs, as one way to overcome this social problem. These songs were about their father, mother, animals, trees, village, etc. They would hold hands and dance as they sang. Untouchability was the biggest issue among them.
We used to make study materials together with the children. We cut papers into small square pieces. The children would stick cotton on in to fix on a flannel cloth. We had all the Hindi alphabet and numbers upto 100 on it. The children would pick up the right colour and letters and stick it on the flannel board.
Gradually children became very responsible and participated in everything. This group became a problem creating and solving group! When there is a problem, we would stop our class -- for example children would steal each other’s pencils or chalk and eat them up. Then we’d sit together and see who did it, why they did it, etc. Children are very straightforward and they will tell everything. Then the punishment is given by the test of the children. They are used to social punishment given by the rest of the children. They are used to social punishment given by the high caste group, so they’ll say he deserves one quintal beating. Somebody also will say, "No, we should tie him on the roof and beat him," Thus many severe punishments are brought out. Our duty was to reflect with the children that a small mistake like eating up a pencil, doesn’t fit such a severe punishment. "Also this little boy may die from that punishment and then who will sit with you and study and play if you punishment and then who will sit with you and study and play if you punish everyday one or two others like this?" It takes a lot of time, but in this process we teach them forgiveness. One little voice will respond "Aaj keliye chor do." (Let him go free today). He would not repeat it. They would watch if anyone is doing that mischief again. In this process, the child who did the mistake will not do it again. This was our method of correcting children. From our experience, we understood that children pick up good and bad from the society when they are very young. The severe social punishments make a negative impact on them and they do it for each other. We can transform them if we give them opportunities like this and respect them.
One day a boy lost his gunnysack which he brought to sit on. Somebody had stolen it and taken it home. The children had watched that. We immediately sat together and decided what to do. One boy suggested that we all go to his house together and tell his parents. It was a bright idea, so we went with them as moral support. This boy’s father was feeding the animals. The gang of 40 of us went to him and the children demanded the gunnysack. They were sure his son took the sack and gave it to them. They started singing, shouting and dancing. He took the sack and gave it to them. They started singing, shouting and dancing. It gave an insight to the parents also that they should not encourage children in little stealing and mischief. That man was well pleased by the children’s smartness.
Gradually our little school became a kind of Gurukul. Chidden made a plan for their lives. In the morning one or two came to school and swept the place. As soon as the rest came, They will announce who cleaned it and they will get a clap for their good work. We grouped them into four units. Each unit had one leader. He was responsible for the collecting of children from that unit to attend school. They have to bring the information if anybody is suck, then after class we all visit that child. If they have any problem we will personally go and settle it. They volunteered to collect and distribute drinking water to the group. At the end of the class they got one sweet and one iron tablet (Fersolate). The children distribute them. It was possible because they could correct each other. In this process they have developed a lot of love and care for each other and forgot about their caste differences. The parents were so happy and proud of their children, In the evening they would sing songs for them, tell meaningful stories, and new discoveries would be shared with their parents. Later on, seeing all this, there were demands from the higher castes, and from other villages for us to work with their children, but we refused, saying we had opted to work with this underprivileged group.
Then we discussed how they spent their time at home. We asked what kind of help they gave their mother, father, older brothers and sisters. The next day they came and reported in the group. Once boy said he brought a small fish for his mother. Whatever little thing they did for each other or in the family was well appreciated and given encouragement. Gradually many bad habits were forgotten by the children. In the evening we would visit houses and tell the parents about their children, so gradually they got affirmation from their parents. The children also picked up the value of neatness and cleanliness. They became like gems in the village. My heart vibrates when I think of those children. Children are ready to forget about yesterday’s difficulties and start each day afresh.
One day a few children came to the clinic. I was not feeling well that time, they came and called me. They took me away under a tree. Then they told me to sit with them to discuss about a problem. The previous night one of the boy’s parents were fighting. He was observing everything. At the end of the fight his mother decided to take the younger children and go to her brother’s place. She claimed that some land which was given to her by her father was occupied by her brother. She wanted to go and claim her land. This boy was about seven years old. He was very unhappy to leave the village where he had so many friends. He told me everything in detail. I was amazed how this boy could understand this issue so clearly. We had a good discussion about what could happen, what are the possibilities, alternatives, etc. He was fully not accept my opinion," I told him, "I am sick, how can I come with you?" So he decided in the end, to go alone to his mother and tell her that he is not happy, also Chinna Didi is not happy, so please reconsider it. Later when I went to the village, the mother told me about it--they stayed back in the village and the boy was very happy.
We sent a lady from the Harijan tola who trained to take care of the small children in an Anganwadi. This was under the Central Government Scheme. The children who were eligible to go to school were admitted in the school. One year intensive education gave the children the interest to continue their studies. The parents are much more interested than before.

Links with Social Activists

Federation
Links with social action groups was one way we got empowered to go on in our involvement and develop clarity of mission. We were about eleven voluntary groups working in Patna District. We used to meet every month for sharing, support, and future planning. We started a federation of all the small organizations in the beginning of 1984, We had a four day seminar for reflection and we formed a common goal for all of us. We began y analyzing our involvements and saw where we stood and where we wanted to go. Most of the group were in the category of institution, government, or project approach stage, so even if we took up issues which were very much a part of the people’s life, our other commitments prevented us from total immersion with the people. So our main goal was to move towards a people-oriented approach. For this we had to orient our involvements, also being conscious of what is happening in ourselves-because a declassification has to happen to us. This means an adaptability to their lifestyle, thinking process, feeling, values, and culture, so that we move along with people in all possible ways, and start the process of growth together with them.
The may sound easy, but it is extremely difficult to achieve, and we were all at different places in the process. As time went on , we could see the agony of self-realization, where each one was moving. Again some of the group took courage and moved forward, others dropped out, or fell on the way. For the achievement of this goal, we had to follow certain values for ourselves i.e. equality, brotherhood, liberation and sharing, etc. which I consider very much as gospel values that Jesus talks about. So I could be very comfortable with the group. The group openly shared their struggles, difficulties, and lack of clarity with each other. It was an open forum for all activist groups to come and feel supported. We were Hindus, Muslims, and Christians together, regardless of our origin and caste, we worked for a common goal. Our dream was of a society which is just and equal where all human needs are met, the members of the society. To make this possible we shed a lot of preconceived ideas and behavioural patterns also. Instead of being do-gooders, we developed real compassion for the poorest of the poor. It was a binding force which gave us a lot of courage, of course we had a lot of ups and downs, doubts overshadowed our work at times.
This group opened a new door for me in my life. I felt completely at home with the group. They were ever ready to help us . So we did a lot of group activities with the help of each other in the village In short, it was the fulcrum of our activities and reflection education which is part and parcel of conscientization to oneself and others.

PUCL
People’s Union For Civil Liberties is a national body which emerged during the emergency. The function of this organization is to raise their voice when civil rights of the people are denied. Most of the members are people-oriented professionals such as lawyers, journalists, and people from different walks of life. The group will do a spot enquiry whenever there are atorocitites in a local district, or state level. Being part of this group gave me a lot of awareness and knowledge about the wider society. We had a forum to inform our problems and they also became our friends. Journalists supported us during the Bonded Labourer’s issue. All these organization gave me a chance to meet people of good heart but with some painful experience in their lives. Our acquaintane wth PUCL in Bihar State level is remarkable. It took us almost two years of continuous effort to bring back the organization to a functional level, after and death of the leader. I used to sit and silently watch the whole process and contributed what was possible within in my capacity. In the general meeting for the election of office bearers they elected Sr. Marie Tobin as one of the four secretaries which was a joyfilled day for us. She contributed a lot for the organization. There is a reason for mentioning it here, because Christians, being such a minority, have very little influence in the main stream of life of the people.

Sickness
On the one hand I was experiencing great excitement and enthusiasm to continue with people and other organizations, on the other hand, my health was getting weak. I considered my health as sexondary. So I went ahead until the last moment. My left hand was weak and paining, particularly my left side was becoming weak. I started my work in the village as a health provider, and a few years later I became the victim of illhealth. The tension and heavy load of work really affexted me. When I entered into this way of life, many unforseen events took place in my life. Sometimes it was beyond my personal capacity to cope with them. My commitment to the cause was my strong goal, so I went ahead in that struggle.
Generation after generation these people are living in poverty and at a subhuman level. To make them cooperate with us was a herculean effprt. The patience, forebearance, and tolerance I exercised, was beyond my capacity. I being part of an institution which has its own formalities, and policies, experienced an added tension to cope with two opposite poles. Taking into myself all the agonies and panis of people, especially women and children, when I am pressed under all these unresolved issues, gradually undermined my health.
The living conditions in the village also affected my health adversely. The leaking roof of our house made the room damp throughout the rainy season. In summer, the extreme heat and dust stroms were a great disturbance. Also in winter we were not well protected with warm clothes, which also affected me negatively. It was a very good experience of what many people go through all their lives.
I was admitted in the hospital for three weeks. This was a period of confusion and agony for me. My resistance to accept that I am sick was very strong. I was annoyed by the attitude of the doctors who keep the sickness secret from the patient. my mind was divided between my mission and sickness. There was not any preparation for accepting the sickness and the self responsibility of regaining my health back by my own efforts was missing. My body reacted to each treatment because I was not convinced of it. I had a fear of becoming paralyzed because suddenly I couldn’t much for myself.
I went through the total process of denial, arguments, fears, and acceptance as part of my sickness and healing. The symptomatic did not help me much. In the beginning of this year I came to Pune and attended a Basic Holistic Health course, and a course on Stress Management. During these seminars I could be aware of myself, and what is going on in me. I looked at my ill health in a psycho-somatic approach. First of all, I look full responsibility for my ill health and decided to work it out with the help of Carol and team. I expressed all my sickness in writings and drawings. It gave me a chance to look at myself objectively. Sickness doesn’t happen all of a sudden. Many events and tensions build up until finally the body breaks down at its weakest point. A complete denial of myself was the beginning, and when the body is sick, the mind is also affected.
I was suffering form so many symptoms like amoebiasis, toothaches, sinus, migtraine headache, tonsil infection, ear problems, muscle weakness, diarrhoea, hyperactivity of the thyroid, swelling all over the body, bone (disc) disorder, ect. Without any drugs, I could heal myself about 75percent within five months. I know it is a healing which I fully participate in and I am sensitive to my body, and look at life in a holistic way, I got an opportunity to read, study and have a wider knowledge about health, sickness, remedies without drugs, and how to be responsible for my health by keeping it up as a way of life. Cafol’s experience of life with people and dealing with the sick with a compassionate understanding attitude helped me to deal with my sickness quite smoothly.
This healing was a long painful gradual process which I faced and worked trough. I am in touch with my body now and will never again ignore it or allow it to break down. I know how to keep myself in balance and harmony with my feelings, thoughts, and actions, how to deal with stress, and how to react harmoniously with the environment. Also I realised that life is an integrated whole and it has to be approached with compassion and understaning. it is a very diffcult phenomena to realise that the human body is a masterpiece in the total creation.

Indian Social Institute Studies
One aspect of healing was to get more information so that I could see how to face all the problems that were mounting all around me. So I enrolled in three month course in Marxian Analysis of Society offered at Indian Social Institute in Bangalore.
I see problems everywhere--try to solve one problem, so many other problems emerge--subtle ways in which society functions. I met so many groups that each have many divisions and groupism. Any economic programmes brought to the people with great difficulty you must work or it will have a natural death. A few people will take advantage and always justify their position. It was beyond my grasp and understanding. Atrocities are increasing, poor people are brutally killed all over the country and world. I did not understand what was the root problem itself. There is a lot of similarity in problems--a few people in different areas try to come out of their poverty, miserable stage of life--why are there such large unmbers victims of poverty? We see political parties promising anything to the people. Mass media every day offering it. In reality there is no improvement. Co-operative Societies are started, still no milk is given to their own children. Bonded labourers issue, there was a fund for rehabilitation, but it is not given for the people. Poor people collected money from their day to day wages and fought two cases in the court. After the Balawadi preparatin, they put their children in the school, in the Government school, teachers will not even come for the class. Also scholarship will not be given to the children. Those who are sent to mission schools, need uniforms, books, and fees which these children may not be able to affiord. What I want to say here is the problem is not solved. It is accepted and approved by the existing society. Where is the answer? Maybe my understanding about these things is not enough, along with people who are workings as catalysts to conscientize and organize them, make them fight for their rights--in that process get confused ourselves. It was not only my problem.
Then the micro-level approach--the social workers identify a community of a few villages and it is an exclusive entity. In this micro level problem oriented approach it means the community has some problem which can be solved within itself. Because of the micro level approach, the possibility of misidentifying the problem and treating the effect rather than the cause often occurs. This undermines the economic, social, and political forces oerating in local, national, and intermational levels. Instead of giving importance to the world view, the activsts focus on economic projects like construction work and employment schemes and thus we treat the symptoms and not the cause.
Most often the problem is identified as apolitical. They fail to see the political connotations involved. People are led to seek solutions apolitically. In a country like India, feudalism and capitalism exist hand in hand. For the full development of capitalism this feudalism is a hindrance. To bring rapid change, activsts unkmowingly work sincerely to perpetuate rather than change the system. Again profit goes to a few and the poor become more poor.
All this gave me the awareness of my need for right knowledge on how to do an analysis of society. The course at Indian Social Institute helped me to know how to analyze society at the local, national and global levels.

CONCLUSION

Some Learnings and Insights
Writing this case study helped me to see that I used my time, energy, and life for a cause. I am happy about ir. The past year I was given to get away from the working situation, this helped me to see my life and involvement objectively. I could integrate the life experience into my destination. I accepted all that happened and grew from it into a deeper person. I got the greatest realization that nothing was out of context, or misplaced. I was merely entering through a crisis period, out of the confusion into clarity of my goal. I experience deep faith in God’s providence. It made me open myself in humility and truth. I experienced God’s presence in my life in a very tangible and alive way on this mountain, Sandipani. It was like Kedrnath in the Himalayas for me--this years was very special for me. I thank each and everyone who contributed something very meaningful and precious. I have a great love for this community and the atmosphere around here. I did not want to be a slave of my sickness by negative attiudes, so I broke the chain of bondedness within me. Today I am a happy person.
Another insight I got was that whatever I was doing in my involvement with people, was always accompanied by a draining of energy and a strength in the long run. I used to wonder what is the reason for it. Surely I believed and cherished brotherhood, and sisterhood, equality, sharing among the people. We believed and practised action-relfection -action as part of life and growth, but it was not complete. I was searching for completeness or wholeness in my life and work. I realised the integration of mind, body , and soul is needed very much for social involvement and to face the situations as they emerge. Meditation regardless of religions and diversities will take us to common humanity and a universal home feeling which is very much needed for today’s struggling humanity. I am still continuing my search in this line and I join with all those who are in search of their life and involvement with people. I end with a sentence from Bhagavad Gita--Krshna says to Arjuna: "Plunge into the din of battle and keep your heart at the lotus feet of the Lord." These words from a mantra in my heart as I turn my steps back down the mountain to reenter the battle.

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